Last month I shared the first scenario around why we have the “you can’t make me” response and how it relates to obstacles and fear of failure. This month I am going to look at the second reason that my clients (and myself) most often experience having a “you can’t make me” fit.
Let’s take skydiving as an example. If I tell you that the absolute best way to relax is to go skydiving, and then proceed to tell you why, and why you must try it, you may find this suggestion ridiculous.
When an idea is not our own and someone else is being forceful about our trying their solution, we might say “you can’t make me!” These folks are well meaning; they just want to fix us. Safe to say, deep down we really don’t want someone else to fix us! We want and need to find our own fix, come up with our own solutions and create our own path to have success.
I have found myself getting a little cranky when faced with what someone else says I should do to fix a problem. What I really want is support to see my way through and this happens by being asked good questions so I can see the roadblock and from there take the steps that are right for me and the situation.
What to do?
Well, since I can’t “make you” hire a coach if that isn’t your path, my advice is to spend some thoughtful time first getting to the root of the problem/scenario/roadblock by answering the following question no less than five times:
What’s the worst thing about this?
Each time you answer, ask the same question again.
You can’t make me eat that apple.
What’s the worst thing about eating that apple?
What’s the worst thing about the apple being boring?
I won’t feel satisfied.
What’s the worst thing about not being satisfied?
You get the picture. Get to the core of the apple and then decide what your next very small step could be to a solution!
Next month we are going to have a conversation about the #1 thing you told me (in my recent survey) that is getting in the way of having a great experience at your workplace.
(Image credit Ambro)